Funny Quotes
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on." Robert Bloch "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles Schulz"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." Mae West"Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them." P.J. O'Rourke"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." Lily Tomlin"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries." Stephen King"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." Rodney Dangerfield"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." Fred Allen"I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money." Bob Hope"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it." Mitch Hedberg"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare." Fred Allen"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby." Natalie Wood"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein'What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?" Fred Allen"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." Oscar Wilde"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be." Anonymous"When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing". Unknown"I used to think I was poor.Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was needy.Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy.I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged).Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged.I still don't have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary." Jules Feiffer"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." Groucho Marx"The shortest distance between two points is under construction." Noelie Altito"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother." Ken DoddRead Funny Science quotes Know a funny quote?Do you know a hilarious quote? Have your own one? Share it! Return from Funny Quotes to Home page
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